My Camino de Santiago Eveline 'Maria' Smith © 2003
Where do I begin? For me 2003 was a year of great change.
I became aware the Camino called me, not the other way around. This was the first time that I had taken charge of every aspect of my life; emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Walking my Camino de Santiago helped me move to a place within that provided me with the strength and tools to release what I've been holding onto. In part my Camino was as much for my heart and soul connections as it was for me. It is my intention that in sharing some of the individuals and events that played a significant role prior to and throughout what transpired on the road to Santiago will provide awareness, clarity and understanding.
It is my belief that God brings certain people into our lives for a specific reason. To help one another discover something new and wonderful; to encourage and to strengthen our purpose, or just to remind us that we are never alone. It is important to share our smiles, our dreams and our tears. These special people have and continue to be a real source of gratitude, unconditional love, understanding and happiness in my life.
I became aware the Camino called me, not the other way around. This was the first time that I had taken charge of every aspect of my life; emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Walking my Camino de Santiago helped me move to a place within that provided me with the strength and tools to release what I've been holding onto. In part my Camino was as much for my heart and soul connections as it was for me. It is my intention that in sharing some of the individuals and events that played a significant role prior to and throughout what transpired on the road to Santiago will provide awareness, clarity and understanding.
It is my belief that God brings certain people into our lives for a specific reason. To help one another discover something new and wonderful; to encourage and to strengthen our purpose, or just to remind us that we are never alone. It is important to share our smiles, our dreams and our tears. These special people have and continue to be a real source of gratitude, unconditional love, understanding and happiness in my life.
The History of the Pilgrimage:
Jerusalem fell to the armies of Islam in 636 A.D., and less than a century later, in 711, Spain was also invaded and conquered. The Moors rapidly reached northern Spain, and sent raiding parties into France. In northwest Spain, however, a small Christian kingdom, including Asturias and present-day Galacia, emerged in the 8th century, and it was in the reign of Alfonso II (r792-842) that the Apostle's tomb was discovered near Finisterre. Relics of the saints were believed to possess a great power, and those of the Apostles were especially venerated: Peter and Paul were known to be buried in Rome, John at Ephesus, although the Virgin was early believed to have been carried bodily into heaven.
James whose shrine is at Santiago de Compostela, in the furthest northern point of Spain, was the brother of (the Evangelist). He is known as James the Great to distinguish him from James the Less, or James the brother of the Lord (also called by Eusebius James the Just) who became a pillar of the Jerusalem community, and is thought to have been bishop of Jerusalem.
With Peter and John, James was clearly one of Jesus's closest friends during his ministry, and as such, it is instructive to look for traces of him outside the canonical gospels. In ca 800, James was the most senior member of intercessionary hierarchy whose relics remained undiscovered. He was already believed to have been the evangelist of Spain.
Early in the 9th century a hermit, Pelayo, was led by a vision to the spot. The tomb was rediscovered, and the relics authenticated as those of St James by the local bishop. Spain at this period sorely needed a new champion or focus to inspire Christians against the invading Moors. Though a few pilgrims to Santiago are recorded in the 10th century, and many more in the 11th, it was in the early 12th century - and particularly under the energetic promotion of Archbishop Diego Gelmírez (1100-1140) - that Santiago came to rank with Rome and Jerusalem as one of the great destinations of medieval pilgrimage. The first cathedral was built over the site of the tomb, and Benedictine houses were established along the developing pilgrimage route.
The Present-Day Pilgrimage:Many thousands of people each year now make their way on foot, by bicycle and also on horseback along the ancient ways. There are as many reasons for this revival as there are pilgrims. Many people make the pilgrimage at a turning point in their lives, and that many are helped to come to terms with personal crisis by a period of separation from all that is familiar, and the shared hardship of the road. Some start from their own homes, or from other places nearby which have special significance for them; many head for one of the traditional assembly points in France: Paris or Arles, and then follow one of the old routes to the Pyrenees and the beginning of the Camino Frances in Spain. Those with less time either start from a point on the route nearer to Santiago, such as Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port or Roncesvalles (this is the most popular starting point for Spanish pilgrims); or make the pilgrimage in stages, as holidays allow, picking up each year where they stopped the year before.
The cathedral authorities in Santiago require that pilgrims must: 1) Carry the credential or pilgrim passport and produce it, stamped and dated. 2) Have walked or ridden on horseback the last 100 km to Santiago or cycled the last 200 km. 3) Declare a spiritual or religious motivation to qualify for the compostela, the traditional Latin certificate of pilgrimage. There is a certificado, also in Latin, for those making the journey for other reasons.
The Pilgrim's road meanders through scenic country roads, fields and forest tracks as well as crossing countless villages and cities born of the Camino. It is a great physical challenge. It is actually incorrect to refer to the Camino de Santiago in the singular. Medieval pilgrims simply left home and picked up the closest and safest route to Santiago de Compostela many of these became established outside of Spain.
Heather and I chose the Camino Frances from the Pyrenees to Santiago de Compostela; over the Pyrenees into Spain. This stage of the journey is through the Spanish part of the Basque country.
James whose shrine is at Santiago de Compostela, in the furthest northern point of Spain, was the brother of (the Evangelist). He is known as James the Great to distinguish him from James the Less, or James the brother of the Lord (also called by Eusebius James the Just) who became a pillar of the Jerusalem community, and is thought to have been bishop of Jerusalem.
With Peter and John, James was clearly one of Jesus's closest friends during his ministry, and as such, it is instructive to look for traces of him outside the canonical gospels. In ca 800, James was the most senior member of intercessionary hierarchy whose relics remained undiscovered. He was already believed to have been the evangelist of Spain.
Early in the 9th century a hermit, Pelayo, was led by a vision to the spot. The tomb was rediscovered, and the relics authenticated as those of St James by the local bishop. Spain at this period sorely needed a new champion or focus to inspire Christians against the invading Moors. Though a few pilgrims to Santiago are recorded in the 10th century, and many more in the 11th, it was in the early 12th century - and particularly under the energetic promotion of Archbishop Diego Gelmírez (1100-1140) - that Santiago came to rank with Rome and Jerusalem as one of the great destinations of medieval pilgrimage. The first cathedral was built over the site of the tomb, and Benedictine houses were established along the developing pilgrimage route.
The Present-Day Pilgrimage:Many thousands of people each year now make their way on foot, by bicycle and also on horseback along the ancient ways. There are as many reasons for this revival as there are pilgrims. Many people make the pilgrimage at a turning point in their lives, and that many are helped to come to terms with personal crisis by a period of separation from all that is familiar, and the shared hardship of the road. Some start from their own homes, or from other places nearby which have special significance for them; many head for one of the traditional assembly points in France: Paris or Arles, and then follow one of the old routes to the Pyrenees and the beginning of the Camino Frances in Spain. Those with less time either start from a point on the route nearer to Santiago, such as Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port or Roncesvalles (this is the most popular starting point for Spanish pilgrims); or make the pilgrimage in stages, as holidays allow, picking up each year where they stopped the year before.
The cathedral authorities in Santiago require that pilgrims must: 1) Carry the credential or pilgrim passport and produce it, stamped and dated. 2) Have walked or ridden on horseback the last 100 km to Santiago or cycled the last 200 km. 3) Declare a spiritual or religious motivation to qualify for the compostela, the traditional Latin certificate of pilgrimage. There is a certificado, also in Latin, for those making the journey for other reasons.
The Pilgrim's road meanders through scenic country roads, fields and forest tracks as well as crossing countless villages and cities born of the Camino. It is a great physical challenge. It is actually incorrect to refer to the Camino de Santiago in the singular. Medieval pilgrims simply left home and picked up the closest and safest route to Santiago de Compostela many of these became established outside of Spain.
Heather and I chose the Camino Frances from the Pyrenees to Santiago de Compostela; over the Pyrenees into Spain. This stage of the journey is through the Spanish part of the Basque country.
There are two basic routes from St Jean Pied de Port to Roncesvalles/Orreaga
Heather and I chose the first, Route Napoleon. This alternative is much harder, goes much higher, but it is more spectacular. One is urged not to attempt it in bad weather. Less fit walkers and especially those on their first day should be prepared for this route to take up to twelve hours, it took us nine hours (with no rests). This route is dangerous in the months of short daylight hours. It is advised that even in summer not to attempt this route in low cloud cover or bad weather, and even if fit do not start off later than 10 a.m. Water is scarce so carry some with you. In March and April there may well be snow on the route.
Reflecting back on this journey May 6, 2015... How quickly time passes! It feels like yesterday Heather and I headed to the airport. Oh my, has it been twelve years.
There are many times since returning home to Montana June 30, 2003 that I've experiences of peaceful reflection and found great comfort in my Camino memories.
I feel such such joy and love for my many blessings; a healthy life, for my husband, my daughters, their husbands, my granddaughter, my family, my friends, my furry babies Rosie and Ruby... For everyone and everything that is my life I am in gratitude.
The Scallop Shell:
An important symbol since at least the 11th century, nearly all images of Santiago (the disciple James) or his followers from the 12th century onwards incorporate a scallop (shell) on the knapsack, hat or tunic. However, the origin of the symbol remains a mystery. One legend suggests that Santiago, even after his death, saveda drowning bridegroom and his horse struggling in the sea as the stone boat carrying his body arrived on the Spanish coast. When he raised them from the ocean they were covered in Scallop shells.
Alternatively, the shrine's proximity to what was considered the Finis terrum (end of the earth) made the shell a symbol of resurrection to be worn by those who returned. Or, possibly, the Santiago shrine overlaid the site of a preexisting Venus fertility cult and the shell stuck as a common symbol representing rejuvenation and spiritual rebirth. Finisterre marked the end of the known world in medieval times and remains the final achievable destination for present day pilgrims. With the conveys side out, others see in its form the back of the hand with the fingers pointing down as if engaged in an act of mercy. Whatever the truth, the symbol remains important and many pilgrims today continue to wear it.
The Knight Templar:
The Camino called me. I know that I was not meant to experience it alone. Who would be my Knight? Heather! It is an interesting fact that both Heather and I felt a connection with the Knight Templar. Heather's interest and connection as a female knight felt strong enough that once home she began searching the Internet for Knight Templar history.
Excerpts from Heather's Knight Templar research:
There were women knights in the middle Ages. There were two ways anyone could be a knight: 1. By holding land under a knight's fee. 2. By being made a knight and inducted into an order of knighthood. In fact there was a military order of knighthood for women. It is the order of the Hatchet in Catalonia. It was founded in 1149 by the count of Barcelona, to honor the women who fought for the defense of the town of Tortosa against a Moor attack. They received many privileges, including exemption from all taxes and took precedence over men in public assemblies.
The new recruit had to pass through an initiation ceremony at which he vowed to serve God and the Lady St. Mary. At the end of the ceremony he would be given his mantle and the Master Chaplain would kiss him on the mouth. (This was not an uncommon practice at that time.)
There were various 'associate' groups attached to the Knights Templar and women were allowed to join some of them. There is some evidence that women were permitted to play a more active role at least in the early years. A late twelfth-century account in England speaks of a woman being received into the Temple as a sister, and seems quite clearly to imply some sort of feminine wing or adjunct to the Order, but no elaboration or clarification of the matter has ever been found.
Knights were men who were trained to fight and they inhabited a violent world. Thousands of knights and men at arms went to the Holy Lands and there was a great uniting of warriors and churchmen (monks as knights) into military orders. They (the warrior monks) lived under monastic rules of poverty, chastity, and obedience. In medieval times, honor meant more than courage and warrior skills. The warrior's code was based on; personal integrity, defense of the weak and oppressed, generosity, compassion, a free frank spirit, courtliness (especially to women), loyalty and prowess.
They swore an oath to the King of Castile. Recognition of the Order of Santiago was given by the Pope. They were independent from the other two Spanish Orders. They protected pilgrims to the shrine of St. James at Compostela. They adopted the rule of the Augustinian canons. The Spanish order of the Knights of Santiago were the only ones who were permitted to marry though their property remained in possession of their Order. They were separated from dynastic concerns and even though they became extremely wealthy they could not participate in the more frivolous activities of the knightly life, such as tournaments or dancing. In that respect they were not mainstream knights, but they developed a high discipline of military training, built fortresses, and learned the tactics of siege warfare. In these castles, which were both monasteries and cavalry-barracks the life of the Templar was full of contrasts.
All Knight Templar chapter meetings (including those for the initiation of new brothers) were held in secret and the Knight Templar were forbidden (on pain of expulsion) to reveal anything that went on in them, even to members of lower rank. The Order was in fact obsessed with secrecy, an obsession that was later to rebound on them. Even their own Rule was a matter of mystery to the members.
The total contents of the Rule which could only be altered, added to or even totally ignored from time to time by each grand master were highly confidential. The beginner was told just enough of the Rule to permit him to take his place at the bottom of the Order. As he rose in the Templar hierarchy further sections of the Rule were revealed and explained to him. Knowledge of the contents of the complete Rule was confined to the highest ranks of the Order. To everyone else it was doled out on a 'need to know basis'. One of the most serious offences in the Order was for a Knight of any rank to reveal any part of the Rule.
Hummm, I wonder if this is where the phrase it's on a need to know basis and you don't need to know came from.
Heather and I felt the connection, energy and a purpose from every animal, bird, insect and reptile we encountered on our journey. Their totem meaning provides insight to the immediate moment or what lay around the bend of the road emotionally, physically and spiritually.
pig (totem sign of courage, cunning)
cattle (totem sign of fertility, contentment)
sheep (totem sign of balance in precarious situations)
puppy (totem sign of loyalty, protection, faithfulness)
lizard (totem sign of guardian of the dreamtime, divination)
vultures (totem sign of death and rebirth, prophecy, Great Mother)
horses (totem sign of power, freedom, grace)
ducks (totem sign of emotional balance, domestic harmony)
cock (totem sign of sexuality, alertness, fertility, enthusiasm)
songbirds (totem sign of cheerfulness, love of home, fertility, boldness)
butterflies (totem sign of transformation, transmutation, joy, beauty)
Alternatively, the shrine's proximity to what was considered the Finis terrum (end of the earth) made the shell a symbol of resurrection to be worn by those who returned. Or, possibly, the Santiago shrine overlaid the site of a preexisting Venus fertility cult and the shell stuck as a common symbol representing rejuvenation and spiritual rebirth. Finisterre marked the end of the known world in medieval times and remains the final achievable destination for present day pilgrims. With the conveys side out, others see in its form the back of the hand with the fingers pointing down as if engaged in an act of mercy. Whatever the truth, the symbol remains important and many pilgrims today continue to wear it.
The Knight Templar:
The Camino called me. I know that I was not meant to experience it alone. Who would be my Knight? Heather! It is an interesting fact that both Heather and I felt a connection with the Knight Templar. Heather's interest and connection as a female knight felt strong enough that once home she began searching the Internet for Knight Templar history.
Excerpts from Heather's Knight Templar research:
There were women knights in the middle Ages. There were two ways anyone could be a knight: 1. By holding land under a knight's fee. 2. By being made a knight and inducted into an order of knighthood. In fact there was a military order of knighthood for women. It is the order of the Hatchet in Catalonia. It was founded in 1149 by the count of Barcelona, to honor the women who fought for the defense of the town of Tortosa against a Moor attack. They received many privileges, including exemption from all taxes and took precedence over men in public assemblies.
The new recruit had to pass through an initiation ceremony at which he vowed to serve God and the Lady St. Mary. At the end of the ceremony he would be given his mantle and the Master Chaplain would kiss him on the mouth. (This was not an uncommon practice at that time.)
There were various 'associate' groups attached to the Knights Templar and women were allowed to join some of them. There is some evidence that women were permitted to play a more active role at least in the early years. A late twelfth-century account in England speaks of a woman being received into the Temple as a sister, and seems quite clearly to imply some sort of feminine wing or adjunct to the Order, but no elaboration or clarification of the matter has ever been found.
Knights were men who were trained to fight and they inhabited a violent world. Thousands of knights and men at arms went to the Holy Lands and there was a great uniting of warriors and churchmen (monks as knights) into military orders. They (the warrior monks) lived under monastic rules of poverty, chastity, and obedience. In medieval times, honor meant more than courage and warrior skills. The warrior's code was based on; personal integrity, defense of the weak and oppressed, generosity, compassion, a free frank spirit, courtliness (especially to women), loyalty and prowess.
They swore an oath to the King of Castile. Recognition of the Order of Santiago was given by the Pope. They were independent from the other two Spanish Orders. They protected pilgrims to the shrine of St. James at Compostela. They adopted the rule of the Augustinian canons. The Spanish order of the Knights of Santiago were the only ones who were permitted to marry though their property remained in possession of their Order. They were separated from dynastic concerns and even though they became extremely wealthy they could not participate in the more frivolous activities of the knightly life, such as tournaments or dancing. In that respect they were not mainstream knights, but they developed a high discipline of military training, built fortresses, and learned the tactics of siege warfare. In these castles, which were both monasteries and cavalry-barracks the life of the Templar was full of contrasts.
All Knight Templar chapter meetings (including those for the initiation of new brothers) were held in secret and the Knight Templar were forbidden (on pain of expulsion) to reveal anything that went on in them, even to members of lower rank. The Order was in fact obsessed with secrecy, an obsession that was later to rebound on them. Even their own Rule was a matter of mystery to the members.
The total contents of the Rule which could only be altered, added to or even totally ignored from time to time by each grand master were highly confidential. The beginner was told just enough of the Rule to permit him to take his place at the bottom of the Order. As he rose in the Templar hierarchy further sections of the Rule were revealed and explained to him. Knowledge of the contents of the complete Rule was confined to the highest ranks of the Order. To everyone else it was doled out on a 'need to know basis'. One of the most serious offences in the Order was for a Knight of any rank to reveal any part of the Rule.
Hummm, I wonder if this is where the phrase it's on a need to know basis and you don't need to know came from.
Heather and I felt the connection, energy and a purpose from every animal, bird, insect and reptile we encountered on our journey. Their totem meaning provides insight to the immediate moment or what lay around the bend of the road emotionally, physically and spiritually.
pig (totem sign of courage, cunning)
cattle (totem sign of fertility, contentment)
sheep (totem sign of balance in precarious situations)
puppy (totem sign of loyalty, protection, faithfulness)
lizard (totem sign of guardian of the dreamtime, divination)
vultures (totem sign of death and rebirth, prophecy, Great Mother)
horses (totem sign of power, freedom, grace)
ducks (totem sign of emotional balance, domestic harmony)
cock (totem sign of sexuality, alertness, fertility, enthusiasm)
songbirds (totem sign of cheerfulness, love of home, fertility, boldness)
butterflies (totem sign of transformation, transmutation, joy, beauty)
~02~ May 13, 2003 In route to Hunto
~ Beautiful Views ~ all UPHILL… but moderate and gradual. We tiptoe around a couple of huge slugs, exchanged greetings with fellow pilgrims and were snorted at by a pig while the cattle lay napping. The alpine flowers are gorgeous, deep purple Columbine. My thoughts go to my husband, Wayne and the nature fairies...
Everything is splendid and the colors are vibrant. To stay aware of each breath and each step doesn't begin to describe these moments. On our climb to Hunto I began to feel the strain in my lower back and remembered Wayne's advice, turn around and walk backwards to use a different set of muscles. It worked! Just prior to following his advise I thought of friend, Gail as I held her angel gift dangling from the black cord 'round my neck remembering her words, "Angel, Mary will be with you on your journey to guide and protect, as she is always with you!" When I turned around by the side of the road, lay a perfect, freshly cut yellow peach colored rose. I picked it up to carry with me as I shared with Heather, "for me this experience is a sign, a spiritual validation." There were no roses in sight and when we reached Hunto the roses growing there were not of this shade or color.
Heather and I ended up walking past Hunto. Aware something wasn't right Heather asked a farmer. He didn't speak English so in the language without words we began walking the dirt road he had directed us toward. About midway on the path we met up with an older, friendly couple that spoke English. They informed us we had past Hunto. Hunto is a family B & B not a town. The couple advised us not to walk on to Roncesvalles until morning that it would take us at least 6 ~ 8 hours of steady walking, a full day. While walking back toward the B & B we shared the path with a small herd of sheep being led to pasture.
We checked into Hunto, showered, took care of our laundry and napped. The proprietors didn't speak English and weren't interested in helping. We wanted to know the times scheduled for breakfast and dinner so we walked to the shelter across the street where three pilgrims had congregated having wine. We asked if anyone spoke English. An Irish priest obliged. In conversation he shared, having been to Helena, Montana once. Dinner is at 7:30 pm and breakfast at 7:00 am. Our staying at the main house opting for a private room, for a good night's sleep, before setting out for our long day's journey did not set well with this priest.
Priest: "What is your reason for doing the pilgrimage?"
"Spiritual. I want a positive way of turning 50 on June 28th marking the beginning of the new era in my life… Surprisingly for me it is more spiritual than I had anticipated. With the onset of 2003 it has forced me to deal with issues to prepare." He seems pleased with my reply. However, when I questioned, "Where do we get our pilgrim's passport stamped?"
Priest: "What is the point? What does one do with it afterwards… frame it?"
"Obtain a certificate of completion, I guess." Walking away I thought, I have a granddaughter on the way and she, someday might want to look at it. Hunto is beautiful but the vibes thus far were neither welcoming or overly, helpful. Now some fifteen years later reflecting back on this moment I now see the priest's point more clearly... and I better understand my need at that time to receive validation for my life experience. That no one may care isn't the point the point is that I care!
When walking away Heather mentioned, "Don't you think it's odd with him being a priest he never acknowledged me?"
"Yes, now that you mention it." The interaction made us feel uneasy and glad to be staying in the B & B portion.
Heather and I walked back to our room and organized for the next day's adventure while enjoying some coffee Heather prepared in the downstairs kitchen. About an hour before dinner we decide to explore the grounds and go for a wee walk. The neighbor's puppy caught our attention. He reminded us of our old dog Blue when he found us. We could see other pilgrims gathering for dinner as we made our way toward the group and I spotted a lizard on the flowerpot.
The tables are beautifully set with white tablecloths, fine china and fresh flowers. It was interesting to observe others as we all claim our place at the two extra long tables joined together to form an 'L' shape. Heather sat across from me, next to me sat a charming Frenchman and his wife. He could speak a little English informing me, that he and his wife began their pilgrimage in Paris. Next to Heather was the Shaman's girlfriend. I could hear her sharing with Heather that, they're from Northern California and that they were in Peru just prior to Spain.
I interjected, "I have always been interested in ancient cultures and, of course, Peru the mystical land of the Inca."
Heather and I both asked them to share about their Peru adventure.
He was eager to, "As soon as I read Shirley MacLaine's book 'The Camino' I was drawn to experience it for myself and to visit Machu Picchu and study with a Shaman there. My girlfriend and I were fortunate in that the Shaman guided us there secretly so we could experience it at night. We were there till dawn."
His girlfriend interjected, "It was amazing but we're still recuperating from all the mosquito bites," while pointing out her giant welts to Heather.
The Shaman encouraged me, "It was amazing you have to go there and experience its powerful energy!"
Between our five courses we all chatted about this and that. Dinner was wonderful! The meat was served in a sauce and it was clear the meat had been randomly chopped prior to cooking; it was a guess, as to what it was. I had what looked to be part of a backbone with tender chunks of meat attached.
I always say, "When in doubt it's chicken."
At this point everyone had enjoyed several glasses of wine and were all in agreement all that mattered that it's tasty.
Everything is splendid and the colors are vibrant. To stay aware of each breath and each step doesn't begin to describe these moments. On our climb to Hunto I began to feel the strain in my lower back and remembered Wayne's advice, turn around and walk backwards to use a different set of muscles. It worked! Just prior to following his advise I thought of friend, Gail as I held her angel gift dangling from the black cord 'round my neck remembering her words, "Angel, Mary will be with you on your journey to guide and protect, as she is always with you!" When I turned around by the side of the road, lay a perfect, freshly cut yellow peach colored rose. I picked it up to carry with me as I shared with Heather, "for me this experience is a sign, a spiritual validation." There were no roses in sight and when we reached Hunto the roses growing there were not of this shade or color.
Heather and I ended up walking past Hunto. Aware something wasn't right Heather asked a farmer. He didn't speak English so in the language without words we began walking the dirt road he had directed us toward. About midway on the path we met up with an older, friendly couple that spoke English. They informed us we had past Hunto. Hunto is a family B & B not a town. The couple advised us not to walk on to Roncesvalles until morning that it would take us at least 6 ~ 8 hours of steady walking, a full day. While walking back toward the B & B we shared the path with a small herd of sheep being led to pasture.
We checked into Hunto, showered, took care of our laundry and napped. The proprietors didn't speak English and weren't interested in helping. We wanted to know the times scheduled for breakfast and dinner so we walked to the shelter across the street where three pilgrims had congregated having wine. We asked if anyone spoke English. An Irish priest obliged. In conversation he shared, having been to Helena, Montana once. Dinner is at 7:30 pm and breakfast at 7:00 am. Our staying at the main house opting for a private room, for a good night's sleep, before setting out for our long day's journey did not set well with this priest.
Priest: "What is your reason for doing the pilgrimage?"
"Spiritual. I want a positive way of turning 50 on June 28th marking the beginning of the new era in my life… Surprisingly for me it is more spiritual than I had anticipated. With the onset of 2003 it has forced me to deal with issues to prepare." He seems pleased with my reply. However, when I questioned, "Where do we get our pilgrim's passport stamped?"
Priest: "What is the point? What does one do with it afterwards… frame it?"
"Obtain a certificate of completion, I guess." Walking away I thought, I have a granddaughter on the way and she, someday might want to look at it. Hunto is beautiful but the vibes thus far were neither welcoming or overly, helpful. Now some fifteen years later reflecting back on this moment I now see the priest's point more clearly... and I better understand my need at that time to receive validation for my life experience. That no one may care isn't the point the point is that I care!
When walking away Heather mentioned, "Don't you think it's odd with him being a priest he never acknowledged me?"
"Yes, now that you mention it." The interaction made us feel uneasy and glad to be staying in the B & B portion.
Heather and I walked back to our room and organized for the next day's adventure while enjoying some coffee Heather prepared in the downstairs kitchen. About an hour before dinner we decide to explore the grounds and go for a wee walk. The neighbor's puppy caught our attention. He reminded us of our old dog Blue when he found us. We could see other pilgrims gathering for dinner as we made our way toward the group and I spotted a lizard on the flowerpot.
The tables are beautifully set with white tablecloths, fine china and fresh flowers. It was interesting to observe others as we all claim our place at the two extra long tables joined together to form an 'L' shape. Heather sat across from me, next to me sat a charming Frenchman and his wife. He could speak a little English informing me, that he and his wife began their pilgrimage in Paris. Next to Heather was the Shaman's girlfriend. I could hear her sharing with Heather that, they're from Northern California and that they were in Peru just prior to Spain.
I interjected, "I have always been interested in ancient cultures and, of course, Peru the mystical land of the Inca."
Heather and I both asked them to share about their Peru adventure.
He was eager to, "As soon as I read Shirley MacLaine's book 'The Camino' I was drawn to experience it for myself and to visit Machu Picchu and study with a Shaman there. My girlfriend and I were fortunate in that the Shaman guided us there secretly so we could experience it at night. We were there till dawn."
His girlfriend interjected, "It was amazing but we're still recuperating from all the mosquito bites," while pointing out her giant welts to Heather.
The Shaman encouraged me, "It was amazing you have to go there and experience its powerful energy!"
Between our five courses we all chatted about this and that. Dinner was wonderful! The meat was served in a sauce and it was clear the meat had been randomly chopped prior to cooking; it was a guess, as to what it was. I had what looked to be part of a backbone with tender chunks of meat attached.
I always say, "When in doubt it's chicken."
At this point everyone had enjoyed several glasses of wine and were all in agreement all that mattered that it's tasty.
~03~ May 14, 2003
When we reached the paved road about six cows wearing bells greeted us, but of course, Heather humored me with a photo shoot. When nearing the summit fourteen vultures flew about… gliding and soaring skillfully. They were staggering creatures! Huge and intimidating. Remembering the Austrian's advice we became boisterous making a point to wave our arms about while walking on wanting to appear lively. Taking a few minutes to photograph the Virgin of Orisson not far down the path from her we photographed some wild horses. It is astonishing to me that with me living out west. I had to travel to France, to experience wild horses and vultures.
Oh my goodness this trek is indeed difficult but well worth it:
The day began spring like and beautiful but by the time we reached the summit the wind was blowing ice-cold. We were both so happy to have taken Rafael's advice to bring gloves and a wool hat! By now we were cold, tired and the wind felt like it was cutting right through us. Once we attempted to stop for a bit of a rest... just long enough to notice some gray clouds rolling in reminding us of the Austrian couple's story at breakfast. So we felt it best to put our packs back on and just keep right on walking.
Heather was amazing. "We can do this mom! When I was taking Tae-Bo Billy Blanks would say, "When you feel you can't go on then start doing it for someone else." So I did. My dad's image came into my mind just as my eyes focused on this small white stone, I picked it up and placed it in my jacket pocket and continued walking one-step one breath at a time letting my thoughts reflect on dad.
Remembering my failed search efforts to locate him. Then when I was ready to give up I was guided to try one last Internet search. I turned it over to God. If nothing came of it I was ready to let it go. I keyed in his name and only 24 prospects came up so I sent an email to the 20 email addresses provided and printed a copy to go by snail mail to the other 4 just prior to Wayne and I leaving for holiday. We drove to LA with plans to visit Heather for a few days then drive up HWY 1. This was mid May and the California poppies were in bloom everywhere. I have always enjoyed the ocean, the sight; the smell and the sound of waves' lapping the shore seem to calm me. We had fourteen days to take our time, to relax and travel at our own pace.
Then returning home just as we were driving into our drive a family of ducks greeted us as they made their way to the backyard in route to the lake. When I checked my emails there was a positive reply! Dad flew out to connect and visit with me for a month. He told me of my family history and heritage on his father's side his doing so helped clarify why I've always been drawn to Ireland. They settled in Massachusetts. While spending time with dad, getting to know him and family I came to understand sometimes it's not about the quantity of time but rather the quality of time.
Billy Blank's advice helped Heather; "I've decided to carry grandpa's stone with me to Cruz De Hierro."
Oh my goodness this trek is indeed difficult but well worth it:
The day began spring like and beautiful but by the time we reached the summit the wind was blowing ice-cold. We were both so happy to have taken Rafael's advice to bring gloves and a wool hat! By now we were cold, tired and the wind felt like it was cutting right through us. Once we attempted to stop for a bit of a rest... just long enough to notice some gray clouds rolling in reminding us of the Austrian couple's story at breakfast. So we felt it best to put our packs back on and just keep right on walking.
Heather was amazing. "We can do this mom! When I was taking Tae-Bo Billy Blanks would say, "When you feel you can't go on then start doing it for someone else." So I did. My dad's image came into my mind just as my eyes focused on this small white stone, I picked it up and placed it in my jacket pocket and continued walking one-step one breath at a time letting my thoughts reflect on dad.
Remembering my failed search efforts to locate him. Then when I was ready to give up I was guided to try one last Internet search. I turned it over to God. If nothing came of it I was ready to let it go. I keyed in his name and only 24 prospects came up so I sent an email to the 20 email addresses provided and printed a copy to go by snail mail to the other 4 just prior to Wayne and I leaving for holiday. We drove to LA with plans to visit Heather for a few days then drive up HWY 1. This was mid May and the California poppies were in bloom everywhere. I have always enjoyed the ocean, the sight; the smell and the sound of waves' lapping the shore seem to calm me. We had fourteen days to take our time, to relax and travel at our own pace.
Then returning home just as we were driving into our drive a family of ducks greeted us as they made their way to the backyard in route to the lake. When I checked my emails there was a positive reply! Dad flew out to connect and visit with me for a month. He told me of my family history and heritage on his father's side his doing so helped clarify why I've always been drawn to Ireland. They settled in Massachusetts. While spending time with dad, getting to know him and family I came to understand sometimes it's not about the quantity of time but rather the quality of time.
Billy Blank's advice helped Heather; "I've decided to carry grandpa's stone with me to Cruz De Hierro."
Images of Sherwood Forest
When reaching the long stretch through the beech woods it made us think of Sherwood Forest and Robin Hood. From this magical space Heather located walking stick No. 1 for me. Along the path there were occasional grave markers in memory of pilgrims where this was their final journey. My feet now felt on fire. Arriving at Roncesvalles, we checked in and had the young woman stamp our pilgrim's passport. We hurt! Feeling as though we couldn't walk another step; wanting only a hot soak and a quiet restful sleep, with that in mind we opted to stay at La Posada.
Dropping our packs on the beds, we freshened up a bit and I changed into my walking sandals. Much to my surprise I discovered an enormous blister under my left pointer toenail, it had lifted the nail up and all that appeared to be holding it in place was the blister and cuticle. Heather a Ballerina and expert with de feet advised and helped with this owie!
By now we are both tired, hot and hungry (not having eaten since 7 a.m.) aware nothing would open until 8:30 p.m. and with it being 'round 5:30 pm we opted to go down stairs to the bar where we had checked in. Having a look around we decide to stay in the bar; share a sandwich with a cold beer and just relax a bit. There was a Frenchman doing the same seated at the table for two by a small window. "This feels right." There are three elderly local gents’ playing cards, smoking cigars surprisingly the cigar smell was pleasant and we didn't find it offensive.
Heather and I had just barely sat down chatting about our day's adventure, just relaxing and enjoying our sandwich with a cold beer when who should walk in but the Irish priest!
Priest: "So this is what you're opting to do for dinner! You'd rather have dinner in a bar with cigar smoke?"
"Oh we were hungry and thirsty." All the while I'm thinking, What the f--k! One of the reasons I'm on this Pilgrimage is to stop explaining and justifying myself. What I should have said is, Yes… No! What I should of said, And a good afternoon to you too, who appointed you judge and jury? Oh my... that felt great! I dared to think the"F" word. It is just a word... LOL I guess I've just gone and connected with the Irish in me. I've been told by my friend, Ava's daughter, Luana that this word is 'commonplace' in Ireland and is used with everyday acknowledgement and greetings. The Irish priest walked to the bar to purchase his meal ticket for the Pilgrim's dinner to be served at 9 p.m., directly after the Pilgrim mass.
Heather snapped as he made his way out the door, "Mom, I don't know what we have to do but we have to loose this group… there just is no way we're going to be questioned judged and second guessed continuously!"
Afterwards; we went back up to our room and showered, did a bit of laundry and rested awhile before heading downstairs to use the pay phone. I wanted to let Wayne know we made it through the Pyrenees and briefly bring him up to date. To avoid the Irish priest we opted not to attend the Pilgrim mass but decided on attending the Pilgrim's dinner at the last minute. Upon entering the bar to purchase our tickets a middle aged local man (sweaty and drunk) begins talking with Heather while I order the tickets. Heather could handle this and I could hear him speak a bit of English. We were delighted to be in the dining room and had barely been seated when who walks in but this sweaty, drunk man.
Heather says, "Oh no mom he's pretending to be a pilgrim!"
I thought, just our luck he's walking to our table! He sat to my left and Heather to my right so throughout dinner he's leaning around in front of me in an effort to make conversation with Heather. The Frenchman seated next to him aware of the situation, began visiting with him in French. We soon realize everyone seated at our table is speaking French and no one could speak or understand English.
The local man frustrated with his effort says to Heather, "So you only speak English it would be better if you spoke French and Spanish too."
Heather: "Yes, I agree it would be better if I spoke more than English, but then a lot of good that does me now."
We were surprised because everyone at the table laughed at Heather's response proving they clearly understood English. They just refused to communicate it. Thankfully, he left us alone to finish our dinner and as soon as we finished with coffee and dessert we said, "Good night."
As we made our way upstairs to our room Heather chimed, "Like I said earlier mom we need to loose this group.Ya ma you were real subtle with your body language there at the dinner table you were almost sharing my seat!"
"You didn't have to deal with his stench and sweaty face leaning into your space. I could have been polite and traded seats with you."
Heather: "Gee thanks mom, calm down now it's over with. Don't worry tomorrow we'll lose this group. We'll walk to Biskarreta and they will most likely go on to Trinidad. That will put them at least a day ahead of us."
Dropping our packs on the beds, we freshened up a bit and I changed into my walking sandals. Much to my surprise I discovered an enormous blister under my left pointer toenail, it had lifted the nail up and all that appeared to be holding it in place was the blister and cuticle. Heather a Ballerina and expert with de feet advised and helped with this owie!
By now we are both tired, hot and hungry (not having eaten since 7 a.m.) aware nothing would open until 8:30 p.m. and with it being 'round 5:30 pm we opted to go down stairs to the bar where we had checked in. Having a look around we decide to stay in the bar; share a sandwich with a cold beer and just relax a bit. There was a Frenchman doing the same seated at the table for two by a small window. "This feels right." There are three elderly local gents’ playing cards, smoking cigars surprisingly the cigar smell was pleasant and we didn't find it offensive.
Heather and I had just barely sat down chatting about our day's adventure, just relaxing and enjoying our sandwich with a cold beer when who should walk in but the Irish priest!
Priest: "So this is what you're opting to do for dinner! You'd rather have dinner in a bar with cigar smoke?"
"Oh we were hungry and thirsty." All the while I'm thinking, What the f--k! One of the reasons I'm on this Pilgrimage is to stop explaining and justifying myself. What I should have said is, Yes… No! What I should of said, And a good afternoon to you too, who appointed you judge and jury? Oh my... that felt great! I dared to think the"F" word. It is just a word... LOL I guess I've just gone and connected with the Irish in me. I've been told by my friend, Ava's daughter, Luana that this word is 'commonplace' in Ireland and is used with everyday acknowledgement and greetings. The Irish priest walked to the bar to purchase his meal ticket for the Pilgrim's dinner to be served at 9 p.m., directly after the Pilgrim mass.
Heather snapped as he made his way out the door, "Mom, I don't know what we have to do but we have to loose this group… there just is no way we're going to be questioned judged and second guessed continuously!"
Afterwards; we went back up to our room and showered, did a bit of laundry and rested awhile before heading downstairs to use the pay phone. I wanted to let Wayne know we made it through the Pyrenees and briefly bring him up to date. To avoid the Irish priest we opted not to attend the Pilgrim mass but decided on attending the Pilgrim's dinner at the last minute. Upon entering the bar to purchase our tickets a middle aged local man (sweaty and drunk) begins talking with Heather while I order the tickets. Heather could handle this and I could hear him speak a bit of English. We were delighted to be in the dining room and had barely been seated when who walks in but this sweaty, drunk man.
Heather says, "Oh no mom he's pretending to be a pilgrim!"
I thought, just our luck he's walking to our table! He sat to my left and Heather to my right so throughout dinner he's leaning around in front of me in an effort to make conversation with Heather. The Frenchman seated next to him aware of the situation, began visiting with him in French. We soon realize everyone seated at our table is speaking French and no one could speak or understand English.
The local man frustrated with his effort says to Heather, "So you only speak English it would be better if you spoke French and Spanish too."
Heather: "Yes, I agree it would be better if I spoke more than English, but then a lot of good that does me now."
We were surprised because everyone at the table laughed at Heather's response proving they clearly understood English. They just refused to communicate it. Thankfully, he left us alone to finish our dinner and as soon as we finished with coffee and dessert we said, "Good night."
As we made our way upstairs to our room Heather chimed, "Like I said earlier mom we need to loose this group.Ya ma you were real subtle with your body language there at the dinner table you were almost sharing my seat!"
"You didn't have to deal with his stench and sweaty face leaning into your space. I could have been polite and traded seats with you."
Heather: "Gee thanks mom, calm down now it's over with. Don't worry tomorrow we'll lose this group. We'll walk to Biskarreta and they will most likely go on to Trinidad. That will put them at least a day ahead of us."
~09~ May 20, 2003
I can hear the church bells. I love the sounds! To hear the cow and horse bells from the fields as we walk through the countryside. There are more red poppies now scattered among the yellow flowers in the fields. Pamplona was a fun experience but it feels good heading out of and away from the city. From Cizur Menor to Ultega then on to Muruzabal where we stop for a café con leche and share a sandwich. We decided to take Rafael and Andy's suggestion to take the side trip to Eunate. It's a solitary 12th century octagonal church surrounded by arches.
The closer we get the stronger its pull, we were fortunate to arrive on a day that it is open and upon entering it feels de'javu. We felt embraced by its energy.Walking away after stamping our credentials we felt a strong sense that it was indeed a Knights Templar church and not a simple pilgrims' burial ground. This was a unique and blessed spiritual experience.
The closer we get the stronger its pull, we were fortunate to arrive on a day that it is open and upon entering it feels de'javu. We felt embraced by its energy.Walking away after stamping our credentials we felt a strong sense that it was indeed a Knights Templar church and not a simple pilgrims' burial ground. This was a unique and blessed spiritual experience.
Continuing onto Obanos...
The village where the noblemen of Navarra met in the Middle power of the king. Between Obanos and Puente la Reina is the point that the two pilgrim routes over the Pyrenees, the one from Roncesvalles and the other over the Somport pass from Arles meet. A modern (1965) statue of a pilgrim marks the spot. The fellow pilgrims we have encountered thus far on our journey have been warm and friendly; however, it is very clear each has their agenda. When we have needed direction or guidance there has always been someone made available to us in that moment. When we are able to assist we make ourselves available in return. It is the way of the road. As with the Hungarian woman who was tired and disoriented only able to communicate in Hungarian. She was dressed for an afternoon at the mall verses a 500 mile pilgrimage along with her attitude because we couldn't speak Hungarian reminded us of my mother's sister, Ingrid.
We spent the night in Puente la Reina named after the medieval pilgrim bridge over the Arga, built by royal command in the 11th century. It's an attractive town. We stayed in Hotel Jakue Irunbidea where we experienced the smallest bathtub ever. The food has been wonderful; we enjoyed the famous garlic soup! Heather and I found a darling white knit dress with pink rose buds size 3~6 months for Caitlyn that fit nicely in my pack. Iglesia del Crucifico (church of the Crucifixion) was originally founded by the Knight Templar in the 12th century. Its entry is decorated with scallop shells. At one side stands the original pilgrims' hospice. There is a house in town center that has a modern Saint James statue in its wall. We both really enjoyed our time in Puente la Reina.
We spent the night in Puente la Reina named after the medieval pilgrim bridge over the Arga, built by royal command in the 11th century. It's an attractive town. We stayed in Hotel Jakue Irunbidea where we experienced the smallest bathtub ever. The food has been wonderful; we enjoyed the famous garlic soup! Heather and I found a darling white knit dress with pink rose buds size 3~6 months for Caitlyn that fit nicely in my pack. Iglesia del Crucifico (church of the Crucifixion) was originally founded by the Knight Templar in the 12th century. Its entry is decorated with scallop shells. At one side stands the original pilgrims' hospice. There is a house in town center that has a modern Saint James statue in its wall. We both really enjoyed our time in Puente la Reina.
~16~ May 28, 2003 The walk to Santo Domingo
...is grueling! The road was easy to follow but the heat was extreme. It was miles and miles and more miles of rolling open landscape. I managed to get bit on the back of my hand by some sort of bug; it itched and swelled. I had Heather fetch my Cortizone cream from my pack so I wouldn't have to go through the hassle of removing it. The Cortizone didn't help, so while meandering through Azofra we stopped in their Pharmacy and after displaying my hand I purchased the cream presented. It did help.
Continuing on we entered one of the bars for a cold lemon soda; there were pilgrims’ already drinking beer. Heather and I shared, wondering how they manage to walk in the hot sun afterward. Proceeding on to the fountain; we stopped to adjust packs, and were greeted by a badly sunburned pilgrim anxiously applying cream to his burn.
He is friendly, hearing us speak English he asked, "Are you from Great Britain?"
After informing him we were from the U.S. he referenced in a joking manor, "That Bush is not good. Don't like! I'm from old Germany."
"I have family in the Augsburg area."
He informed me, "I am from Bavaria too... I know it well, "Fugger" do you know this?"
"Yes, Heather and I walked through the Fuggerei when visiting Augsburg; it's the oldest social settlement in the world."
In unison: "Buenas Camino!"
"I'm not clear is his name Fugger or does he live at the Fuggerei? Uncle Hunz knows a Fugger of the Fugger family that created the Fuggerei."
Heather: "It's too late now."
We were so hot! The sun was pounding down and despite our repeated sunscreen applications we were burning to a crisp. With "No One" in sight as far as we could see scanning the horizons in every direction. Out of the blue the sonic boom of four military jets flying low and directly overhead nearly dropped us to the ground. With our hearts now in our throats we realized by the time we had heard them they had already reached the horizon.
In unison: "What the hell is going on now!"
Suddenly aware of just how isolated we were I realize if something had happened where we required emergency attention we might just as well "forget it." Heather's old ballet injury, tendonitis, had been giving her difficulty. It appears to be getting worse. Thus far La Rioja proves to be a long and tedious journey. This day was not without tears.
On more than one occasion Heather would turn to address me, "Good God mom are you crying again!"
"My encounter with this German man and his comment, 'I'm from old Germany'.
Triggered buttons: my childhood abuse, neglect and poverty. Growing up feeling tolerated never accepted, afraid to participate..... Or express myself for fear of being laughed at and ridiculed. My being chastised in Germany for being part American and then being chastised in the U.S. for being part German. My not being able to speak English when I arrived in the U.S. Easter Monday 1960 and my mother determined, 'You're in America now you have to speak English'!
Grandma Lates took me under her wing. My first English was This little piggy went to market. With her help I had memorized the Dick and Jane series. The key word here being memorized. With tutors I managed quite nicely with the spoken word. I would mouth the words in music class fearful. It was difficult taking care to speak without an accent let alone attempting to sing. I was told it essential that I master speaking without an accent if I was ever to be taken serious and thought of as intelligent. It became easier for me to just sit quietly, smile and speak only when spoken to."
Heather: "Ya, well I can kind of see and understand where they were coming from with the accent. Not that I'm saying they were right! Rather that thinking is still out there. What a tangled web we weave."
There is stillness and it is a beautiful, peaceful walk each of us in our own thoughts much of the way. Then too, we still have our moments to share along the path.
It's interesting thinking back at all of the anger, frustrations and shouting that occurred during my childhood. They were clueless then, throughout their lives and some still are. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the moment someone is in one's face demanding and shrieking; a wall goes up, then no one listens and nothing is accomplished.
"My mother told me for them to survive through World War II Opa always did what he could to provide for his family. My mom and her eldest sister, Louise both shared with me, Opa worked for the railroad during the war; his job provided a house located a couple of miles from town situated near the railroad tracks. They both remember their father going to the farmers begging for food for his children. When Augsburg was bombed they all could see it burn for days. After the war Opa worked for an American officer and his wife."
Heather: "Grandma did share a lot of the same with me when I was back there in school. The first year back east I would visit her and Al on the weekends. I guess what it comes down to is only being able to control oneself and ideally to be responsible for our individual choices. All the other 'stuff' is a waste of energy."
"My mother always said that she felt Oma wasn't fond of her, so Opa would take her with him at times. When he did she would ride in the sidecar of his motorcycle; she loved her father. After the war they had to move in town. It was a two-room apartment and that's where I was born; a mid wife delivered me. Opa left to find work in northern Germany; he and Oma never divorced."
"Just prior to my mother and I moving to the states she unexpectedly ran into Opa while she and my step dad, Ralph were in Augsburg standing at a corner looking and waiting to cross the street. She said to my step dad, "I don't believe it! That's my father over there!" We were able to connect before we left for the United States."
"I remember Opa brought tangerines. When we traveled back to Germany for a visit in 1970. Opa came to Oma's to visit while we were there and he brought tangerines. Whenever I smell tangerines I think of Opa."
"The first part of January 1975 Opa came to visit us for a week in Idaho; he wanted to meet your dad and Heidi. I was pregnant with you at the time. He had just spent several months visiting aunt Louise in California and he loved it there. He wanted to see Heidi and me."
"His plan was to go back to Germany; retire, get back together with Oma and return to California with her. After spending a week with me in Idaho he flew to Connecticut to spend a couple of weeks with my mom and step dad, Ralph. Once back in Germany he had full intent to go through with his plans. Opa hadn't felt well for some time even prior to visiting in the states. When he returned to Germany he went into the hospital. He was to be released in the morning but died during the night; they didn't know what was wrong with him... His body was brought from Northern Germany to where Oma lived near Augsburg and was buried in a cemetery not far from her apartment and her work. They never stopped loving one another."
"My mother said to me once, "Life's a bitch and then you die."
Heather: "Ya, I've noticed that grandma gets really negative at times. I'm positive."
"Life is what you make it… a gift. Life is about choices then being responsible for those choices. I'm positive too. I became aware and realized that I couldn't go wrong by choosing to adopt the opposite of my family's behavior patterns. That along with applying a bit of common sense, trial and error is how my qualities for a happy and healthy relationship came to be."
Heather: "Yes, Oh Wise One, just kidding! No, really I do agree with what you're saying mom and I try, it's just not as easy as it sounds."
"It's never my intention to give anyone relationship advice, it's not my place to. I figure my not having walked in their shoes and they not having walked in mine. However, it is my intention to listen and to hear with intent. To do so acknowledges and validates. I always encourage, "Listen to your heart and trust your inner voice." Life is about looking within, trusting individual choice and being responsible for those choices."
Heather: "I'm taking this time in Spain to think about and decide what is important and what matters most to me and in my relationships."
"Great! I'm doing the same... I know settling for less in the long run never seems to work."
Continuing on we entered one of the bars for a cold lemon soda; there were pilgrims’ already drinking beer. Heather and I shared, wondering how they manage to walk in the hot sun afterward. Proceeding on to the fountain; we stopped to adjust packs, and were greeted by a badly sunburned pilgrim anxiously applying cream to his burn.
He is friendly, hearing us speak English he asked, "Are you from Great Britain?"
After informing him we were from the U.S. he referenced in a joking manor, "That Bush is not good. Don't like! I'm from old Germany."
"I have family in the Augsburg area."
He informed me, "I am from Bavaria too... I know it well, "Fugger" do you know this?"
"Yes, Heather and I walked through the Fuggerei when visiting Augsburg; it's the oldest social settlement in the world."
In unison: "Buenas Camino!"
"I'm not clear is his name Fugger or does he live at the Fuggerei? Uncle Hunz knows a Fugger of the Fugger family that created the Fuggerei."
Heather: "It's too late now."
We were so hot! The sun was pounding down and despite our repeated sunscreen applications we were burning to a crisp. With "No One" in sight as far as we could see scanning the horizons in every direction. Out of the blue the sonic boom of four military jets flying low and directly overhead nearly dropped us to the ground. With our hearts now in our throats we realized by the time we had heard them they had already reached the horizon.
In unison: "What the hell is going on now!"
Suddenly aware of just how isolated we were I realize if something had happened where we required emergency attention we might just as well "forget it." Heather's old ballet injury, tendonitis, had been giving her difficulty. It appears to be getting worse. Thus far La Rioja proves to be a long and tedious journey. This day was not without tears.
On more than one occasion Heather would turn to address me, "Good God mom are you crying again!"
"My encounter with this German man and his comment, 'I'm from old Germany'.
Triggered buttons: my childhood abuse, neglect and poverty. Growing up feeling tolerated never accepted, afraid to participate..... Or express myself for fear of being laughed at and ridiculed. My being chastised in Germany for being part American and then being chastised in the U.S. for being part German. My not being able to speak English when I arrived in the U.S. Easter Monday 1960 and my mother determined, 'You're in America now you have to speak English'!
Grandma Lates took me under her wing. My first English was This little piggy went to market. With her help I had memorized the Dick and Jane series. The key word here being memorized. With tutors I managed quite nicely with the spoken word. I would mouth the words in music class fearful. It was difficult taking care to speak without an accent let alone attempting to sing. I was told it essential that I master speaking without an accent if I was ever to be taken serious and thought of as intelligent. It became easier for me to just sit quietly, smile and speak only when spoken to."
Heather: "Ya, well I can kind of see and understand where they were coming from with the accent. Not that I'm saying they were right! Rather that thinking is still out there. What a tangled web we weave."
There is stillness and it is a beautiful, peaceful walk each of us in our own thoughts much of the way. Then too, we still have our moments to share along the path.
It's interesting thinking back at all of the anger, frustrations and shouting that occurred during my childhood. They were clueless then, throughout their lives and some still are. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the moment someone is in one's face demanding and shrieking; a wall goes up, then no one listens and nothing is accomplished.
"My mother told me for them to survive through World War II Opa always did what he could to provide for his family. My mom and her eldest sister, Louise both shared with me, Opa worked for the railroad during the war; his job provided a house located a couple of miles from town situated near the railroad tracks. They both remember their father going to the farmers begging for food for his children. When Augsburg was bombed they all could see it burn for days. After the war Opa worked for an American officer and his wife."
Heather: "Grandma did share a lot of the same with me when I was back there in school. The first year back east I would visit her and Al on the weekends. I guess what it comes down to is only being able to control oneself and ideally to be responsible for our individual choices. All the other 'stuff' is a waste of energy."
"My mother always said that she felt Oma wasn't fond of her, so Opa would take her with him at times. When he did she would ride in the sidecar of his motorcycle; she loved her father. After the war they had to move in town. It was a two-room apartment and that's where I was born; a mid wife delivered me. Opa left to find work in northern Germany; he and Oma never divorced."
"Just prior to my mother and I moving to the states she unexpectedly ran into Opa while she and my step dad, Ralph were in Augsburg standing at a corner looking and waiting to cross the street. She said to my step dad, "I don't believe it! That's my father over there!" We were able to connect before we left for the United States."
"I remember Opa brought tangerines. When we traveled back to Germany for a visit in 1970. Opa came to Oma's to visit while we were there and he brought tangerines. Whenever I smell tangerines I think of Opa."
"The first part of January 1975 Opa came to visit us for a week in Idaho; he wanted to meet your dad and Heidi. I was pregnant with you at the time. He had just spent several months visiting aunt Louise in California and he loved it there. He wanted to see Heidi and me."
"His plan was to go back to Germany; retire, get back together with Oma and return to California with her. After spending a week with me in Idaho he flew to Connecticut to spend a couple of weeks with my mom and step dad, Ralph. Once back in Germany he had full intent to go through with his plans. Opa hadn't felt well for some time even prior to visiting in the states. When he returned to Germany he went into the hospital. He was to be released in the morning but died during the night; they didn't know what was wrong with him... His body was brought from Northern Germany to where Oma lived near Augsburg and was buried in a cemetery not far from her apartment and her work. They never stopped loving one another."
"My mother said to me once, "Life's a bitch and then you die."
Heather: "Ya, I've noticed that grandma gets really negative at times. I'm positive."
"Life is what you make it… a gift. Life is about choices then being responsible for those choices. I'm positive too. I became aware and realized that I couldn't go wrong by choosing to adopt the opposite of my family's behavior patterns. That along with applying a bit of common sense, trial and error is how my qualities for a happy and healthy relationship came to be."
Heather: "Yes, Oh Wise One, just kidding! No, really I do agree with what you're saying mom and I try, it's just not as easy as it sounds."
"It's never my intention to give anyone relationship advice, it's not my place to. I figure my not having walked in their shoes and they not having walked in mine. However, it is my intention to listen and to hear with intent. To do so acknowledges and validates. I always encourage, "Listen to your heart and trust your inner voice." Life is about looking within, trusting individual choice and being responsible for those choices."
Heather: "I'm taking this time in Spain to think about and decide what is important and what matters most to me and in my relationships."
"Great! I'm doing the same... I know settling for less in the long run never seems to work."
The walk into town was flat going, but extremely long...
Heather (my Knight) was leading the way. I followed in my thoughts with regards to my relationships and doing so I felt hurt realizing that most times it is me doing the reaching out, putting the effort forth, loving, gifting; feeling fearful once I stop making the effort so will the relationship. Why do I put the effort out? Making a point to remember birthdays, holidays, and special occasions, those just because moments and always making it a point to be there. It goes back to my childhood. Most of my relationships have always been long distance, being separated by miles and oceans. It's with email, post, and telephone we make it happen... being there in the ways that are made available to us. I love and I care... It matters... We all matter!
We stayed in the Parador very nice and English speaking helping us with the bus arrangements into Burgos tomorrow, the 29th. Taking into account the day's happenings: Heather's current physical condition, the angel around my neck a reminder of Gail's "Words of Wisdom." We made the choice to bus into Burgos. Prior to departure we intend to have a look around Santo Domingo and visit its Cathedral. Exhausted, we showered and enjoyed a relaxing pilgrim's dinner with a bottle of red wine.
I experienced and interesting reflection with regards to relationships, it seems that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while we're climbing it.
Heather: "Mom it's not just me. You think it's really weird that three days in a row at precisely 10:50 a.m. the same couple approaches us from the opposite direction. Dressed the same, looking fresh and energetic and in unison look at us and say in English, Hello and Buenos Camino?"
"Ya, it is odd! I'm ready and looking forward to Burgos and some R & R..."
Heather: "I think it's weird. Like that man on the trail that looked like Kirk Douglas. Do you think they're ghosts of pilgrims that died? If they are it's not like they make me feel uncomfortable or frightened by their encounters."
"Ya, it's unusual; I felt uplifted and encouraged by their energies um Ghosts, I don't know Spirits maybe."
We stayed in the Parador very nice and English speaking helping us with the bus arrangements into Burgos tomorrow, the 29th. Taking into account the day's happenings: Heather's current physical condition, the angel around my neck a reminder of Gail's "Words of Wisdom." We made the choice to bus into Burgos. Prior to departure we intend to have a look around Santo Domingo and visit its Cathedral. Exhausted, we showered and enjoyed a relaxing pilgrim's dinner with a bottle of red wine.
I experienced and interesting reflection with regards to relationships, it seems that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while we're climbing it.
Heather: "Mom it's not just me. You think it's really weird that three days in a row at precisely 10:50 a.m. the same couple approaches us from the opposite direction. Dressed the same, looking fresh and energetic and in unison look at us and say in English, Hello and Buenos Camino?"
"Ya, it is odd! I'm ready and looking forward to Burgos and some R & R..."
Heather: "I think it's weird. Like that man on the trail that looked like Kirk Douglas. Do you think they're ghosts of pilgrims that died? If they are it's not like they make me feel uncomfortable or frightened by their encounters."
"Ya, it's unusual; I felt uplifted and encouraged by their energies um Ghosts, I don't know Spirits maybe."
~17~ May 29, 2003
Heather and I slept in a bit and enjoyed a nice relaxing breakfast of croissants with peach preserve, fresh squeezed orange juice and two cups of café con leche. We wanted to take our time walking around the village, we readied our packs so we could run up to our room, use the bathroom and fetch them just prior to having to meet the Burgos bus.
Santo Domingo was named after a Benedictine monk who devoted his life to the pilgrims in the 11th century. He tended to the sick, building a hospital, paving roads and a bridge, hence his name Calzada - causeway; finally in 1044 he founded the town itself. The causeway survives at the end of town on the Burgos road. His tomb is in the crypt at the cathedral.
The cathedral, begun in 1158, was one of the earliest Gothic constructions in Spain although it was not completed until the 16th century. There is a dominant detached Baroque tower. The cathedral is famous for the live cock and hen kept in a cage in celebration of a local legend involving a young German pilgrim and an innkeeper's daughter, and a miraculous intervention by Saint James. This saved the pilgrim’s life after he had been strung up on the gallows. The shrine to him over the crypt is 16th century. The polychrome statue with cock and hen is 18th century.
On this day that we visited the cock and hen they had a morning visitor, a sparrow. The cathedral is amazing and beautiful. Its main alter with the intricate carvings and details to life like sculptures. Along with the 14th century Virgien de la Calzada, paintings, murals and tapestries. Heather and I continue to feel connected with Knights Templar in these sacred places.
Walking around we shared, "if these walls could talk!" I reflect on those whose stone I carry and more. The energy here is awesome! Mark is in my thoughts and I feel his energy when walking throughout the Santo Domingo de la Calzada cathedral. I found it fascinating that I also felt a strong sense of his friend, Viresse when walking by and around Capilla de Santa Teresa. Having never met Viressa I found this to be intriguing.
Heather and I shared that with the energies and connection we both felt in and around this Cathedral with the Knight Templar; our family friend, Mark standing at the altar and throughout, Viresse when walking by and around Capilla de Santa Teresa, Heather as a female Knight Templar, my feeling connected throughout, then Wayne's energies and natural ability and passion for building and designing it would be interesting at some point if we were all able to go into the Cathedral together and experience its energy. Santo Domingo felt very spiritual and unique.
While on the bus ride to Burgos we sat across from Olga and learned that she was suffering from tendonitis too. Visiting a bit Heather and I discovered she was only riding as far as the days scheduled walk for the group of fellow pilgrims she had connected with. This was our third encounter so we felt it right to exchange email and postal addresses prior to her stop.
Heather and I are in agreement that if it is meant for us to walk the pilgrim's path between Burgos and Leon then at some point the Camino will call us back to Santo Domingo to complete this stretch of the journey.
Santo Domingo was named after a Benedictine monk who devoted his life to the pilgrims in the 11th century. He tended to the sick, building a hospital, paving roads and a bridge, hence his name Calzada - causeway; finally in 1044 he founded the town itself. The causeway survives at the end of town on the Burgos road. His tomb is in the crypt at the cathedral.
The cathedral, begun in 1158, was one of the earliest Gothic constructions in Spain although it was not completed until the 16th century. There is a dominant detached Baroque tower. The cathedral is famous for the live cock and hen kept in a cage in celebration of a local legend involving a young German pilgrim and an innkeeper's daughter, and a miraculous intervention by Saint James. This saved the pilgrim’s life after he had been strung up on the gallows. The shrine to him over the crypt is 16th century. The polychrome statue with cock and hen is 18th century.
On this day that we visited the cock and hen they had a morning visitor, a sparrow. The cathedral is amazing and beautiful. Its main alter with the intricate carvings and details to life like sculptures. Along with the 14th century Virgien de la Calzada, paintings, murals and tapestries. Heather and I continue to feel connected with Knights Templar in these sacred places.
Walking around we shared, "if these walls could talk!" I reflect on those whose stone I carry and more. The energy here is awesome! Mark is in my thoughts and I feel his energy when walking throughout the Santo Domingo de la Calzada cathedral. I found it fascinating that I also felt a strong sense of his friend, Viresse when walking by and around Capilla de Santa Teresa. Having never met Viressa I found this to be intriguing.
Heather and I shared that with the energies and connection we both felt in and around this Cathedral with the Knight Templar; our family friend, Mark standing at the altar and throughout, Viresse when walking by and around Capilla de Santa Teresa, Heather as a female Knight Templar, my feeling connected throughout, then Wayne's energies and natural ability and passion for building and designing it would be interesting at some point if we were all able to go into the Cathedral together and experience its energy. Santo Domingo felt very spiritual and unique.
While on the bus ride to Burgos we sat across from Olga and learned that she was suffering from tendonitis too. Visiting a bit Heather and I discovered she was only riding as far as the days scheduled walk for the group of fellow pilgrims she had connected with. This was our third encounter so we felt it right to exchange email and postal addresses prior to her stop.
Heather and I are in agreement that if it is meant for us to walk the pilgrim's path between Burgos and Leon then at some point the Camino will call us back to Santo Domingo to complete this stretch of the journey.
~31~ June 12, 2003
In Souls' Grace
We headed into "Beautiful" Sound of Music "Beautiful" in fact Heather broke into song ~ Oh the hills are alive with the sound of music ... now and again throughout our climb.
The journey to O Cebreiro is 20+ km it was difficult walking up hill late afternoon; in sultry heat with the sun high over the distant horizon as our slender shadows stretched before us.
Heather sighed, "I want to look like my shadow."
Having walked 6km to Vega de Valcarce we stopped at the bar for an orange soda and to use their facilities it was a beautiful clear day. For the majority of this day Heather and I walked side by side; and sometimes we shared our path with cows wearing bells, strolling onward through the chestnut woods all the while songbirds sang their songs. Around the bend the path opened to rolling fields scattered with wildflowers and lovely blue butterflies as we meander onward through a series of hamlets.
Heather: "Mom when you mention pre-life memory, do you mean de'javu with other lifetimes? I have premonition dreams all the time I like to think that means I'm on the right path. But I have to say, I have a strong connection with the Knights Templar."
The journey to O Cebreiro is 20+ km it was difficult walking up hill late afternoon; in sultry heat with the sun high over the distant horizon as our slender shadows stretched before us.
Heather sighed, "I want to look like my shadow."
Having walked 6km to Vega de Valcarce we stopped at the bar for an orange soda and to use their facilities it was a beautiful clear day. For the majority of this day Heather and I walked side by side; and sometimes we shared our path with cows wearing bells, strolling onward through the chestnut woods all the while songbirds sang their songs. Around the bend the path opened to rolling fields scattered with wildflowers and lovely blue butterflies as we meander onward through a series of hamlets.
Heather: "Mom when you mention pre-life memory, do you mean de'javu with other lifetimes? I have premonition dreams all the time I like to think that means I'm on the right path. But I have to say, I have a strong connection with the Knights Templar."
About my painting In Souls' Grace
(In this creating process I've come to realize no one can paint Souls as beautiful as Souls are. Not in the beauty of the brilliant colors or in the brush lies the greatness of this image, but "In Souls' Grace."
"In Souls’ Grace…" represents my Life Between Life (LBL) memory of loving entities of thought, emotion, feeling and spirit that question humanity at all levels. Sometimes the heart sees what the eyes cannot. A way of being, a standard of chivalry, courage, openness and order does a great deal to help one realize the genuine beauty that is within us. Having faced ‘the worst’ and having survived it I see my own beauty; now I am free, living an almost transcendent freedom.)
Heather: "Okay. I know we choose our parents. Do you have memory of your most recent previous life?"
"Not a clear one. Not everything is preordained or predestined. Life is about personal choice. Sometimes the choices that are made interfere with the preordained and predestined."
"I remember there were two souls waiting; the first leaped into physical life, the second became anxious waiting for council's decision regarding me communicating, 'If I'm to go I must go now'!"
"Then it was to be my turn. With the Spiritual Council still reluctant my primary soul mate was not required to experience this lifetime. He chose to do so; by pleading my cause, by promising to connect with me at a point in this lifetime. And assuring he would be there for me from that point forward in whatever way he is able."
Heather: "I'm not trying to upset you mom! I'm just trying to get a clear understanding."
"I love and I care! In relationships unconditional is not realistic. Unconditionally/conditional seems to be the common ground of doable. I've come to realize in order to maintain a healthy balance in all relationships everyone's individual needs and rights must be honored and respected. I believe that this is cause and effect (karma) and is accomplished by conditional... (The Golden Rule) treating others the way we would like to be treated with compassion; thoughtfulness, loving and caring behavior. I have also come to realize that to love 100% unconditional often subjects one to abuse. Whereas Unconditional/Conditional means to love and forgive unconditionally but not condoning or being subjected to abusive inappropriate behavior."
"Out of fear I've held "the details" of my childhood abuse inside all these years. I've attempted to share; no one seems to want to really hear or it ends up being all about him or her. I've written everything down; then set the pages on fire to watch them burn-leaving ash in its wake. I've meditated and visualized confronting my abusers to forgive. Which I have! These methods all have helped. Months would go by, then some little insignificant something in day to day life would happen that would trigger. So I created a little book of my abuse and I titled it 'The Details'."
"I shared "The Details" with your father. It's not unusual for the one who is planning an extended time away in a relationship to distance him or herself. Your father and I weren't communicating well. He's experiencing hearing loss, he wasn't listening and his hearing has been selective. With the Camino nearing I found myself coming face to face with all my stuff. We all have stuff! Your dad pushed some of my buttons and boundaries. I realized; it isn't the sharing of "The Details" that matters so much as it is the being listened to and the being heard that made the difference for me. I came to realize in my sharing that "The Details" fit in such a small space. Yet, I had let it dominate so much of my being and life. It's a victim crutch; and for many years I've clung to, afraid to let go of."
Heather: "It's okay mom because I chose you and dad; Heidi chose us, you chose dad and dad chose you. We all chose each other. Our family and our friends. Each of us being unique souls who chose to connect and to go through this life together. It's great and we're all lucky!"
This marked the beginning of what I referenced as my melt down, the pivot point affecting every aspect of my being emotionally, spiritually and physically. At La Faba we began walking the track that slithered up through the woods. It was a long steep climb and the heat was extreme. I hurt all over; my neck, my shoulders, my lower back and my feet. It was now mid afternoon with the sun beating down and there was fresh cow shit splattered everywhere but there were no cows. I began to cry uncontrollably. Having to stop I sat down on the only place available, a stonewall splattered with fresh cow shit, as Heather stood by helpless watching. A couple happened along from Brazil. The woman looked "elegant" even in her pilgrim garb I thought, how does she manage to do that? I look and feel like something the cat drug in. How fitting; me sobbing uncontrollably and sitting in cow shit! They were clearly concerned. I didn't want to interact with anyone just then even if his or her intentions were kind and caring.
Heather understanding placed her hand on my shoulder. Assuring them that I was okay, "My mom's just having an emotional, processing... she'll be okay." Reluctantly they continued on their way.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to loose control like this. They hurt me so much! Yes, things happen... Life happens! It is time to let it be and for once for all let go of my victim crutch."
Heather: "I know. It's okay mom I understand. You take all the time you need."
I managed to pull myself together enough to continue walking. The flies swarming all around were a definite incentive. Heather and I ran into the Brazilian couple again in Laguna de Castilla by the traditional fountain.
Here this beautiful woman is bent over drinking from the fountain (for a moment I felt captivated) as she wet her face with its ice- cold water. Letting it drip from her face to her chest then she looked up with an expression that radiated compassion; as Heather and I approached them she still expressed concern, "Are you doing better now?"
"Yes I'm okay now, gracious."
Heather and I were removing our packs to take a bit of a rest before continuing on with the climb. As they passed by us she looked over at me suggesting, "Go and wet yourself with the fountain's water... it's cold and refreshing, it may help you to feel better."
Heather and I decided to take her advice refreshingly wonderful, "It works!"
The climb was beautiful. After Laguna de Castilla we began to see the Galician concrete way markers every 500 meters. The first had a bunch of stones placed on and around it by pilgrims asking for strength. I placed a very large flat one on top of the others.
"I need all the strength I can get!"
It was really helpful to see the way markers...the heat now was so extreme, Heather ran out of water about two miles shy of the village and I only had about a cup left. It was intense with the village no where in site. At this point we've already walked an arduous 18 to 20 km. Some distances have been way off on this journey and this definitely was one of those times.
O Cebreiro was a welcomed site! Our journey here led us through one of the most beautiful lush green valleys and mountains we have ever encountered with wild flowers, birds and blue butterflies. Yes, always lovely blue butterflies! Just prior to O Cebreiro Heather and I entered the 4th and final region "Galacia" and the province of Lugo with its own official language "Gallego."
O Cebreiro was a step back in time. The village was developed from and for the pilgrimage and dates back to 840 AD. There was a hospital in the 11c. - 1854, that was run by monks from the 16th c. abbey of St. Geraud of Aurillac in France. The 12th c. church of Santa Maria has relics including a 12 c. statue of the virgin that inclined its head after the miracle that took place in the 14th c. the village pollasas, the typical Galician thatched buildings of Celtic origin.
Heather and I spent the night in a pollazas; it felt we were having a "Smurf" experience. "The Smurfs" being one of Heidi and Heather's favorite childhood cartoons. "Cute!" We stayed in the Meson Carlo the owners were very charming... a younger couple.
Our room was a welcome site; I felt thankful that it was Heather's turn to shower first feeling anxious for a rest. After our showers were out of the way we washed our 'bit of laundry' by hand in the bathroom sink then hung it strategically around the room so it would air dry by morning. With our chores out of the way it was time to go explore this wee village. The church was busy; there was a young girl in the entryway seated, stamping passports, after she stamped ours Heather and I lit a candle and meandered through the crowd of pilgrims to place them near the virgin's statue, then we sat down in an open bench to take in the experience and to pray. It is beautiful with an awesome energy. Really lovely. There was singing/chanting coming from the closed off room; at first we thought it to be a recording, but it didn't flow like one, so we thought perhaps that it might be singing by the Franciscan brothers. We read that they were based there in summer to minister to the spiritual needs of pilgrims. It is now about 7:30 the evening mass was to begin at 8. At the Meson Carlo we were able to order dinner anytime; Heather and I were both feeling exhausted from the day's happenings, so we opted for an early dinner then straight off to bed, chatting briefly with Richard and Olivia in passing.
Neither Heather nor I had clarity around the details of the miracle. While we were at the church we picked up a pamphlet in English telling all about it; after dinner Heather read it to me. It seems the miracle had taken place in the 14th c. on one of the storm filled evenings a man from a village below walked to O Cebreiro despite the storm to attend church...The monk giving service felt resentment toward the man because he showed he had more faith than the monk. When giving communion and wiping away the Chalice the remaining wine and host would not leave the container and the statue of Mary tilted its head. Heather and I agreed that since our evening visit to the church was crowded and we couldn't get a good look at the Chalice and Paten that we would visit the church in the morning prior to heading "on the road again."
March 17,2006 update: The following is relevant to the above June 12, 2003 day 31 entry.
I have grown from all that has transpired. I am aware now in ways I wasn't capable of being back then. My sharing isn't about making anyone believe nor is it about proving anything. I am open to all that life is. I do not judge others for what they are doing; because I do not know what it is they are here to do. I am open to who I am and what I am here to do. To focus on myself. On what I have and not on what I don't have. To be a light in the world and reflect my being to others. To be and let be. To be there and hold the energy. To live and to love. We are Souls having a Human experience; the point being is to experience all that being human entails. I honor difference. Life is intended for living and loving not for suffering. My heart felt intention in sharing the following is to provide clarity and understanding around my June 12, 2003 journal entry.
Dr. Linda Backman studied with, teaches with, and serves as President on the Board of The Society for Spiritual Regression with Dr. Michael Newton, Journey of Souls/Destiny of Souls. Michael Newton has spent the last 35 years conducting 1000's of regressions into the Between Lives state to uncover experiences between incarnations. On March 28, 2005 I experienced my Past Life (PL) and Life Between Lives (LBL) regression sessions guided by Linda. To learn more about their work their website www.RavenHeartCenter.com
No one with the exception of Linda has been able to grasp my having come into physical with a piece of Life Between Lives (LBL) memory present, my experiencing it beginning to be realized then unrepentant, interfering with (as was Council's expressed concern for me in this (LBL) memory) was both confusing and hurtful. I felt like part of me had been ripped away. As a result of this for the past two years (2002~2004) I've really thrown myself into reading and studying everything spiritual one can imagine. I've received professional validation around every aspect of my being. Everywhere that I turn there is positive validation! Throughout this process some very special individuals were placed on my path with purpose. What my (LBL) did for me is provide clarity, validation and assurance that has blessed me with love, gratitude and peace. I no longer feel stuck or bogged down by my memories and relationships and experiences. I am in a personal space now where I no longer limit myself nor do I place any restrictions on my goals and dreams. Now I live for my approval and I take pleasure in knowing my opinion and what I consider to be most important is based upon my own experience.
The paintings; In Souls' Grace, Spirit Guide, Revelation, and Awakened Heart were inspired by my LBL Spiritual Regression and the following Spiritual Insight represents Dr. Linda Backman thoughts on LBL Spiritual Regressions based on questions she has received.
"In Souls’ Grace…" represents my Life Between Life (LBL) memory of loving entities of thought, emotion, feeling and spirit that question humanity at all levels. Sometimes the heart sees what the eyes cannot. A way of being, a standard of chivalry, courage, openness and order does a great deal to help one realize the genuine beauty that is within us. Having faced ‘the worst’ and having survived it I see my own beauty; now I am free, living an almost transcendent freedom.)
Heather: "Okay. I know we choose our parents. Do you have memory of your most recent previous life?"
"Not a clear one. Not everything is preordained or predestined. Life is about personal choice. Sometimes the choices that are made interfere with the preordained and predestined."
"I remember there were two souls waiting; the first leaped into physical life, the second became anxious waiting for council's decision regarding me communicating, 'If I'm to go I must go now'!"
"Then it was to be my turn. With the Spiritual Council still reluctant my primary soul mate was not required to experience this lifetime. He chose to do so; by pleading my cause, by promising to connect with me at a point in this lifetime. And assuring he would be there for me from that point forward in whatever way he is able."
Heather: "I'm not trying to upset you mom! I'm just trying to get a clear understanding."
"I love and I care! In relationships unconditional is not realistic. Unconditionally/conditional seems to be the common ground of doable. I've come to realize in order to maintain a healthy balance in all relationships everyone's individual needs and rights must be honored and respected. I believe that this is cause and effect (karma) and is accomplished by conditional... (The Golden Rule) treating others the way we would like to be treated with compassion; thoughtfulness, loving and caring behavior. I have also come to realize that to love 100% unconditional often subjects one to abuse. Whereas Unconditional/Conditional means to love and forgive unconditionally but not condoning or being subjected to abusive inappropriate behavior."
"Out of fear I've held "the details" of my childhood abuse inside all these years. I've attempted to share; no one seems to want to really hear or it ends up being all about him or her. I've written everything down; then set the pages on fire to watch them burn-leaving ash in its wake. I've meditated and visualized confronting my abusers to forgive. Which I have! These methods all have helped. Months would go by, then some little insignificant something in day to day life would happen that would trigger. So I created a little book of my abuse and I titled it 'The Details'."
"I shared "The Details" with your father. It's not unusual for the one who is planning an extended time away in a relationship to distance him or herself. Your father and I weren't communicating well. He's experiencing hearing loss, he wasn't listening and his hearing has been selective. With the Camino nearing I found myself coming face to face with all my stuff. We all have stuff! Your dad pushed some of my buttons and boundaries. I realized; it isn't the sharing of "The Details" that matters so much as it is the being listened to and the being heard that made the difference for me. I came to realize in my sharing that "The Details" fit in such a small space. Yet, I had let it dominate so much of my being and life. It's a victim crutch; and for many years I've clung to, afraid to let go of."
Heather: "It's okay mom because I chose you and dad; Heidi chose us, you chose dad and dad chose you. We all chose each other. Our family and our friends. Each of us being unique souls who chose to connect and to go through this life together. It's great and we're all lucky!"
This marked the beginning of what I referenced as my melt down, the pivot point affecting every aspect of my being emotionally, spiritually and physically. At La Faba we began walking the track that slithered up through the woods. It was a long steep climb and the heat was extreme. I hurt all over; my neck, my shoulders, my lower back and my feet. It was now mid afternoon with the sun beating down and there was fresh cow shit splattered everywhere but there were no cows. I began to cry uncontrollably. Having to stop I sat down on the only place available, a stonewall splattered with fresh cow shit, as Heather stood by helpless watching. A couple happened along from Brazil. The woman looked "elegant" even in her pilgrim garb I thought, how does she manage to do that? I look and feel like something the cat drug in. How fitting; me sobbing uncontrollably and sitting in cow shit! They were clearly concerned. I didn't want to interact with anyone just then even if his or her intentions were kind and caring.
Heather understanding placed her hand on my shoulder. Assuring them that I was okay, "My mom's just having an emotional, processing... she'll be okay." Reluctantly they continued on their way.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to loose control like this. They hurt me so much! Yes, things happen... Life happens! It is time to let it be and for once for all let go of my victim crutch."
Heather: "I know. It's okay mom I understand. You take all the time you need."
I managed to pull myself together enough to continue walking. The flies swarming all around were a definite incentive. Heather and I ran into the Brazilian couple again in Laguna de Castilla by the traditional fountain.
Here this beautiful woman is bent over drinking from the fountain (for a moment I felt captivated) as she wet her face with its ice- cold water. Letting it drip from her face to her chest then she looked up with an expression that radiated compassion; as Heather and I approached them she still expressed concern, "Are you doing better now?"
"Yes I'm okay now, gracious."
Heather and I were removing our packs to take a bit of a rest before continuing on with the climb. As they passed by us she looked over at me suggesting, "Go and wet yourself with the fountain's water... it's cold and refreshing, it may help you to feel better."
Heather and I decided to take her advice refreshingly wonderful, "It works!"
The climb was beautiful. After Laguna de Castilla we began to see the Galician concrete way markers every 500 meters. The first had a bunch of stones placed on and around it by pilgrims asking for strength. I placed a very large flat one on top of the others.
"I need all the strength I can get!"
It was really helpful to see the way markers...the heat now was so extreme, Heather ran out of water about two miles shy of the village and I only had about a cup left. It was intense with the village no where in site. At this point we've already walked an arduous 18 to 20 km. Some distances have been way off on this journey and this definitely was one of those times.
O Cebreiro was a welcomed site! Our journey here led us through one of the most beautiful lush green valleys and mountains we have ever encountered with wild flowers, birds and blue butterflies. Yes, always lovely blue butterflies! Just prior to O Cebreiro Heather and I entered the 4th and final region "Galacia" and the province of Lugo with its own official language "Gallego."
O Cebreiro was a step back in time. The village was developed from and for the pilgrimage and dates back to 840 AD. There was a hospital in the 11c. - 1854, that was run by monks from the 16th c. abbey of St. Geraud of Aurillac in France. The 12th c. church of Santa Maria has relics including a 12 c. statue of the virgin that inclined its head after the miracle that took place in the 14th c. the village pollasas, the typical Galician thatched buildings of Celtic origin.
Heather and I spent the night in a pollazas; it felt we were having a "Smurf" experience. "The Smurfs" being one of Heidi and Heather's favorite childhood cartoons. "Cute!" We stayed in the Meson Carlo the owners were very charming... a younger couple.
Our room was a welcome site; I felt thankful that it was Heather's turn to shower first feeling anxious for a rest. After our showers were out of the way we washed our 'bit of laundry' by hand in the bathroom sink then hung it strategically around the room so it would air dry by morning. With our chores out of the way it was time to go explore this wee village. The church was busy; there was a young girl in the entryway seated, stamping passports, after she stamped ours Heather and I lit a candle and meandered through the crowd of pilgrims to place them near the virgin's statue, then we sat down in an open bench to take in the experience and to pray. It is beautiful with an awesome energy. Really lovely. There was singing/chanting coming from the closed off room; at first we thought it to be a recording, but it didn't flow like one, so we thought perhaps that it might be singing by the Franciscan brothers. We read that they were based there in summer to minister to the spiritual needs of pilgrims. It is now about 7:30 the evening mass was to begin at 8. At the Meson Carlo we were able to order dinner anytime; Heather and I were both feeling exhausted from the day's happenings, so we opted for an early dinner then straight off to bed, chatting briefly with Richard and Olivia in passing.
Neither Heather nor I had clarity around the details of the miracle. While we were at the church we picked up a pamphlet in English telling all about it; after dinner Heather read it to me. It seems the miracle had taken place in the 14th c. on one of the storm filled evenings a man from a village below walked to O Cebreiro despite the storm to attend church...The monk giving service felt resentment toward the man because he showed he had more faith than the monk. When giving communion and wiping away the Chalice the remaining wine and host would not leave the container and the statue of Mary tilted its head. Heather and I agreed that since our evening visit to the church was crowded and we couldn't get a good look at the Chalice and Paten that we would visit the church in the morning prior to heading "on the road again."
March 17,2006 update: The following is relevant to the above June 12, 2003 day 31 entry.
I have grown from all that has transpired. I am aware now in ways I wasn't capable of being back then. My sharing isn't about making anyone believe nor is it about proving anything. I am open to all that life is. I do not judge others for what they are doing; because I do not know what it is they are here to do. I am open to who I am and what I am here to do. To focus on myself. On what I have and not on what I don't have. To be a light in the world and reflect my being to others. To be and let be. To be there and hold the energy. To live and to love. We are Souls having a Human experience; the point being is to experience all that being human entails. I honor difference. Life is intended for living and loving not for suffering. My heart felt intention in sharing the following is to provide clarity and understanding around my June 12, 2003 journal entry.
Dr. Linda Backman studied with, teaches with, and serves as President on the Board of The Society for Spiritual Regression with Dr. Michael Newton, Journey of Souls/Destiny of Souls. Michael Newton has spent the last 35 years conducting 1000's of regressions into the Between Lives state to uncover experiences between incarnations. On March 28, 2005 I experienced my Past Life (PL) and Life Between Lives (LBL) regression sessions guided by Linda. To learn more about their work their website www.RavenHeartCenter.com
No one with the exception of Linda has been able to grasp my having come into physical with a piece of Life Between Lives (LBL) memory present, my experiencing it beginning to be realized then unrepentant, interfering with (as was Council's expressed concern for me in this (LBL) memory) was both confusing and hurtful. I felt like part of me had been ripped away. As a result of this for the past two years (2002~2004) I've really thrown myself into reading and studying everything spiritual one can imagine. I've received professional validation around every aspect of my being. Everywhere that I turn there is positive validation! Throughout this process some very special individuals were placed on my path with purpose. What my (LBL) did for me is provide clarity, validation and assurance that has blessed me with love, gratitude and peace. I no longer feel stuck or bogged down by my memories and relationships and experiences. I am in a personal space now where I no longer limit myself nor do I place any restrictions on my goals and dreams. Now I live for my approval and I take pleasure in knowing my opinion and what I consider to be most important is based upon my own experience.
The paintings; In Souls' Grace, Spirit Guide, Revelation, and Awakened Heart were inspired by my LBL Spiritual Regression and the following Spiritual Insight represents Dr. Linda Backman thoughts on LBL Spiritual Regressions based on questions she has received.
Spirit Guide
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Revelation
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Awakened Heart
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Spiritual Insight:
"There are many reasons why you may not be shown the members of your Cluster Group (during an LBL regression). It may be that Spirit has another agenda for you. Perhaps you are not to know as yet…as Spirit may wish for you to have more time with certain embodied souls before you are enlightened as to the truth of Cluster Members. It may be that you do not spend a great deal of time with your Cluster any longer…as you have progressed into a more specific area of purpose. Cluster Members also can be busy with their own earthly tasks…and insufficient soul energy in Spirit keeps them from appearing with clarity."
"Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has a purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from." —Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
"Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has a purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from." —Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
~32~ June 13, 2003 Walking into O'Cebreiro church Santa Maria...
In the morning we were thrilled to find the church empty. Heather and I were delighted to have this time alone. There is stillness all around as we stand in front of the Chalice and Paten. To each side of its protective case stands a full vase of fresh Stargazer Lilies. There is no movement in the church; the air is still, no breeze, "nada."
As Heather and I stand admiring, attempting to take it all in from the Chalice and Paten to the statue of Mary. We become fixed on the Chalice and Paten continuing to stand tranquil in front of its alter. We were silent; with each of us in our own reflective thoughts and prayer, feeling its energy, love and light.
Heather and I can not begin to express the feeling and emotion throughout this experience. There are no words to justly express as both bunches of flowers began to move in unison "just the blossoms." It was as if an invisible hand brushed the pedals, to the right then to the left. Then they were still! At first we couldn't believe what we have just observed. We each closed our eyes, then opened them. When we focused on the flowers, again they moved the exact same way.
Heather whispered, "Mom are you seeing what I'm seeing?"
"Yes."
Heather: "Mom, what does it mean?"
"I don't know what it means, Heather."
Heather: "Look there doing it again... oh they stopped."
"Okay, Heather, lets both close our eyes and open them again and see if they do it again."
We did this three times. Each time the flowers would stop and each time as soon as we would focus on them they would move back and forth "only the blossoms" first to the right than to the left… flowing like a gentle wave. When they did stop we stood not wanting to move. Not wanting to leave. Feeling in awe and wonder.
"We have to be on our way now."
Heather: "I know, I don't want to go. I wish they would do it just once more mom."
"Me too."
They did. Like a wave, gently ~~back and forth ~~back and forth ~~back and forth.
In unison: "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you."
Heather: "Why us mom?"
"Why not us!!"
When leaving the church there was a cherry stand set up for the pilgrims, of course, Heather and I couldn't resist buying a bag and were they ever delicioso. In passing as we made our way out of town the Inn Keeper wished us a good Camino, gave us hugs and kissed our cheeks to send us on our way. O Cebreiro is well worth the arduous climb in the heat of day.
As Heather and I stand admiring, attempting to take it all in from the Chalice and Paten to the statue of Mary. We become fixed on the Chalice and Paten continuing to stand tranquil in front of its alter. We were silent; with each of us in our own reflective thoughts and prayer, feeling its energy, love and light.
Heather and I can not begin to express the feeling and emotion throughout this experience. There are no words to justly express as both bunches of flowers began to move in unison "just the blossoms." It was as if an invisible hand brushed the pedals, to the right then to the left. Then they were still! At first we couldn't believe what we have just observed. We each closed our eyes, then opened them. When we focused on the flowers, again they moved the exact same way.
Heather whispered, "Mom are you seeing what I'm seeing?"
"Yes."
Heather: "Mom, what does it mean?"
"I don't know what it means, Heather."
Heather: "Look there doing it again... oh they stopped."
"Okay, Heather, lets both close our eyes and open them again and see if they do it again."
We did this three times. Each time the flowers would stop and each time as soon as we would focus on them they would move back and forth "only the blossoms" first to the right than to the left… flowing like a gentle wave. When they did stop we stood not wanting to move. Not wanting to leave. Feeling in awe and wonder.
"We have to be on our way now."
Heather: "I know, I don't want to go. I wish they would do it just once more mom."
"Me too."
They did. Like a wave, gently ~~back and forth ~~back and forth ~~back and forth.
In unison: "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you."
Heather: "Why us mom?"
"Why not us!!"
When leaving the church there was a cherry stand set up for the pilgrims, of course, Heather and I couldn't resist buying a bag and were they ever delicioso. In passing as we made our way out of town the Inn Keeper wished us a good Camino, gave us hugs and kissed our cheeks to send us on our way. O Cebreiro is well worth the arduous climb in the heat of day.
Ultreia (the God in me sees the God in you and beyond)
It is my hope that everyone that visits my Camino de Santiago page enjoys reading and experiencing a bit of my daughter, Heather's and My Souls' journey on the road to Santiago. The Camino doesn't end in Santiago because all endings are also beginnings. We just don't realize it at the time. Carpe diem (seize the day)
© 2000 by Eveline Maria Smith
Unless otherwise noted, All rights reserved. No form of reproduction, including copying or saving of digital image files, or the alteration or manipulation of said image files, is authorized unless accompanied by a written agreement issue.
Unless otherwise noted, All rights reserved. No form of reproduction, including copying or saving of digital image files, or the alteration or manipulation of said image files, is authorized unless accompanied by a written agreement issue.